someone owes me an orgasm
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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