Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
