It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
