giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Girls should come with a carfax report
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
