Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
