Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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