I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
