Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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