My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
