and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
