He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
