No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
