just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
