Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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