Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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