just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
