laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
