Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
