hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
