I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
