You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
