Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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