guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
