operation harelip BJ is a go
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
