Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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