Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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