he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
