WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We left an ass print on the piano.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
