Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
