I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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