Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You smell like stripper and shame
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
