I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
