Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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