y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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