Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
