Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
