I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
