this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
