if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
