WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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