my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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