I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
