woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
