the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
im six kinds of drunk right now
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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