and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
