my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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