I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
