I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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