i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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