It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
